Naejenneirda

Benefits of having a migraine: 1. The blurry cloud that exists in your peripheral vision prevents you from seeing a creepy guy on the train who looks like he is trying to take pictures of you with his cell phone (thinking he is being discreet...moron) 2. The pleasant shapes in the migraine puff like horses and fairies entertain you while on the train that ultimately make you pretty calm in comparison to the wrath that the creepy guy next to you would otherwise be making you feel.

I am a little hungry right now, so I think that is why I have a little migraine. My mom used to get migraines..they are hereditary...the rest is history. Fortunately for me, I rarely get them, and when I do, I never get the actual headache that is supposed to accompany the migraine. I just get the wavy lines...you know, like the ones you see on a really hot day on the pavement in the distance. It is kind of fun really..something different. Oh, and the best part, it is always ONLY in my peripheral vision, so I can control what I see and what I don't see kind of like binoculars. And, I only get them when I am running really low on fuel, which happens more often than I would like because of the rat race that is my daily life. The good news is that food that contains as little as two calories will stop my hunger migraine. My trick is to chomp on a piece of gum. This is always my temporary cure for the wavy lines. Sometimes, when I really WANT this tunnel vision because of unsettling creatures that live outside the tunnel that I don't want to look at, I just hold off on the gum and wait to eat until I get home.

I think that some people would pay for this migraine tunnel vision on the A express train during rush hour. I wish I could sell it-being an entrepreneur at heart. "Come and get your migraine tunnel vision goggles! Only $29.99! You don't want to take a train ride without them!" This would be me with the tray that vendors carry around at Yankee Stadium or Fenway (I am a Bostonian really) to sell popcorn and peanuts, except I would have a tray of migraine goggles-maybe I would give away a popcorn or peanut bonus at no additional cost.

The most recent casting for me is a stock photography casting. I find the audition on NyCasting.com. which is a casting sight that I highly recommend for all of you aspiring performers and models. I found my Roarkian Dance Photo gig (see blog history) on NyCasting.com. Anyways, I get an email from this stock casting agency saying that they like my portfolio, can I please come to the casting in the fashion district? I, of course, say that I will be there, but I am simultaneously wondering what "portfolio" of mine that they have seen. I mean, I sent one picture of myself through NyCasting, which is a very LA, sexy dance shot..not generi-stock-esque at all. I have been told in the past that I should try not to look like a dancer when I go to these stock photo castings because they are looking to hire the most generic looking people possible, so that the photos of this person can be used in as many categories as possible, and therefore give them the biggest bang for their buck when a company calls them with five requests-a happy mom, a focused business woman, an annoyed teacher, a studying student, and schizophrenic lunatic-haha-of course, we all know that there is .05% chance that a company would call for the latter-especially if it is a drug company whose medicine treats schizophrenia because they are more likely to put in a picture request for a "beautiful, healthy, glowing model who can do advanced yoga positions"...because that has a lot to do with schizophrenia..yup!

When I get to where I think this casting is supposed to be, 906 Broadway, I am in a little bit of a bind because there is a 920 Broadway adjacent to a 902 Broadway..what the heck? There is a security guard conveniently standing out front of 920 Broadway, so I ask him "If this is 920, and that is 902, and I am looking for 906, do I need to travel to another dimension in NYC or should I just assume that I have the wrong address?" He laughs and says, "In all of the 25 years that I have worked here, there has never been no 906 Broadway..in fact, I can remember when I started this job..." I quickly cut him off before he Mortal Combat Scorpion freezes me into position with his history lesson....I only have two minutes to get there on time-so, I have a good excuse! I say as bright eyed and busy tailed as possible, "I have a modeling casting at Cadet..." He smiles knowingly and says, "They gave you the wrong address, honey, cuz Cadet is in 902!"

I quickly and appreciatively say, "Oh, great, thanks!", as I rush past him trying to make my determination to be on time as evident as possible so that he doesn't think that I am rude and/or he doesn't start saying something like, "Wow! Are you a model?" I am such a sucker for really nice people and conversation..this is why I always get sucked in to conversations on the train with random people who I'd really rather not talk to, because, as my boy always says, I have "nice" written all over my face. Recently, I have tried to fix this, and purposely look straight ahead and make my face as still as possible in some kind of a frown..I sort of bunch my eyebrows together and make it look as if I would be unpleasant to talk to. This, actually, doesn't work that well, because then I get, "Hey there snowflake, you'd be so much prettier if you smiled.." And, then I immediately smile, not because I think that it would make me prettier, but just because the situation really makes me laugh, and my face just tends to smile when I am in contact with people. It has always been that way. I mean, I think that I am a happy person, for the most part, by nature, but my most common facial expression is a smile. I think this is why I have been hired to do musical theatre...I smile pretty easily and naturally...and, it is not always because I am happy. It is as if, when I am talking to someone, when it is my cue for a "response" , I smile, and then continue to talk. Sometimes, I think that the person who I am having a conversation with has a "happy" button that controls my happiness and smile...kind of like the "Happy Joy" episode of Ren and Stimpy when Stimpy invents a happy helmet for Ren. After Stimpy slams that thing on Ren's head, he makes Ren happy every day via remote control...of course, this is not an ideal situation because Ren ends up cracking due to extreme happiness and ends up nearly killing Stimpy after he hammers the happy helmet off of his head during the Happy Happy Joy Joy song. But, seriously, friends, I do smile a lot.

Phew! That was a rant..and, no, I am not smiling right now. My Macbook makes me very happy, but I am very comfortable with my Mac...he really is my second boyfriend...actually, I think I spend more time with Mac than with my boy because of our crazy tour schedules. You know what I just thought of? My mac does not have a name! Both of my hard drives have names-Hatula is my 500Gb (named after my character in Snurg Hunter) and AlienDrive is the 60 Gb(named after me-Alien...oh, for those of you who don't know, that is one of my nicknames created by one of my good friend's little brother in high school...the full nick name is Alien Beam...instead of Adrienne Jean). What should I name my computer? Naejenneirda! That is it! Pronounced Nayjaneerda with the accent on the "eer". Wow, that was a spiritual experience! I am so happy that you all helped me discover that! I know that you don't actually read this until after I have written it, but I actually become inspired to write blogs because of my readers..and that energy follows through and just keeps growing into ideas such as my macbook's new name..pretty amazing!

OK, so back to the smiley stock model audition story. I walk into 902 Broadway, and I go to the fifth floor because I see that the directory shows Cadet being on floor five of this building. When I get off of the elevator, I see a wall of glass that separates me and the waiting area. I always hate this, especially when I am in a rush or disoriented, because a lot of these glass walls make the door and the door HANDLE as streamlined, sleek and modern as possible. Of course, the receptionist is watching everything that I do with one eyebrow that is so up that it looks like it is about to keep floating up up and away like Charlie inside the chocolate factory. After all, there is only a thin piece of absurdly squeaky clean glass that separates us. I finally breathe after thirty seconds of holding my breath while searching for the door "handle" that is really more of an indent in the glass big enough for a couple of fingers to fit into. I start pulling on the door as sweat starts rolling down my neck (I have a backpack with Naejenneirda amongst other weighty items in it) when I see the eyebrow lady gesture for me to come into the room with her hand. "Yeah, lady, can't you see that I am working on it here!" I think to myself. Of course, I am smiling the whole time that I do this. The eyebrow goes down...way down...and she gets up...very slowly..a little too slowly. She walks over to the door and says, "Can I help you Miss?" without even opening the door. I look up at her meekly (she is big...and her eyebrow is back up...way up...) and I say, "I have an audition for stock photo...and stuff..." my voice seemingly trails when I realize that her eyebrow has gone down, and she is smiling..she exclaims, "Oh, the casting is on the third floor,,,hurry up, so they don't cut it off..." (the casting not a body part) "Have you done print before, you look familiar!" Wow, what a change in disposition! I tell her that I haven't done too much...mostly stuff in other countries...blah blah...all the whilst wondering why she hasn't even opened this glass door that still stands between us. Maybe it just doesn't open...or maybe only SHE can open it from the inside to people who pass the test. Or maybe it is her oxygen tank, and it has to be sealed shut...it did seem a little too perfect.

OK, enough with the ol' imagination...I am sure that I really just was supposed to push on the door instead of pull it, but, like I say, I do idiotic things when I have a case of the pre-casting smiling butterflies. The receptionist, still with her eyebrow down (the height of her right eyebrow is definitely indirectly proportional to the height of her happiness) is almost too kind to me at this point-almost as if, because I am a "model" I have the intelligence of a kindergartener. I feel like she would have pet me on the head if she would have opened her oxygen tank while she was telling me to hurry on into the elevator and get down to the casting. Oh well...models do have a stereotype for a reason..I mean, I did spend two minutes trying to open a door. But, I am not a model...I just do it once and a while for extra money...after all, I am barely 5'4", and my waist is 28"!

Anyways, I "hurry on up" to the third floor where, as soon as I get off of the elevator into the lobby, I see pieces of computer taped all over both doors that go into the office area. There is no glass this time. In fact, I feel like I am in solitary confinement when I am in this lobby because there are no windows! The signs that are posted all over both doors say the same thing: "DO NOT KNOCK!!! DO NOT RING BELL!!! SOMEONE WILL COME AND GET YOU!!!" Well, at least the exclamation point and caps lock quota for the month has been filled. Sigh. Well, I guess this is my cue to sit down, fill out the casting sheet and chill for a few minutes until someone comes and gets me. I wait...and wait ...and wait. I am so scared to ring a bell or knock that I don't know WHAT to do..I mean, this is really like a catch 22 because if I don't knock , then they might close the casting, which will eliminate me immediately from getting the job, but if I DO knock, eyebrow lady is going to come rushing out of her oxygen tank and zoom down to the third floor with the highest eyebrow ever and say that I will never work in this town again as scary exclamation points spill out of her mouth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This image really makes me grimace, but I figure what do I have to lose besides a modeling job that I never had in the first place.

I walk over to the door that has the least amount of exclamation points screaming at me. I raise my hand to knock. ( I figure this is less intrusive than a door bell...of course, I am envisioning a resounding gong that repeats seven times throughout the entire office causing office workers to run out of the office because of its alarm like quality..kind of like the maritime seven short and one long for a cruise ship boat drill...oh those were the days of constant employment before I started doing stuff like this every day). A girl with long blonde hair almost smacks me in the face with the door as she rushes out with her portfolio in her hand. "Oooh..I am so sorry, are you OK?" No, I am not, but I say with a butterfly smile, "Am I supposed to wait out here or just go inside?" Oh, you can just go on in...that is what I did." Are you serious? She just went in?! Whatever happened to bowing down to the casting people's every wishes. I mean, the signs look like the have piranna teeth on them and are telling me that if I go in that room, I am in BIG trouble. Oh well, I take a deep breath and walk into the room. She is nice enough to hold the door for me.

A glass room. Obviously this building has a theme. As soon as I walk in the front door, three casting people see me and wave at me from inside yet another oxygen tank...luckily, this one has an OPEN door-hallelujah. I walk in and put down the bag that I have been schlepping around, which leans against the chair that I am about to sit in.This chair has wheels, so this causes the chair to be pushed in the direction of the lady who is about to take my picture. Upon initial inspection of this scene when I first walked into the glass cube, I choreographed my actions as follows: 1. Put bag down. 2. Sit down in chair. 3. Have smiley talk for a few seconds 4.Get pictures taken by photographer. The new unfortunate choreography is: 1. Put bag down. 2. Try to catch chair as it rolls toward photographer. 3. Reach out to grab the chair to pull it toward you while actually pushing it further away with your foot as your foot is pressing against the back pack that is pressing against the chair as you lean toward the wheely chair. 4. Extend hand to try to bring the chair back-the photographer thinks that I am trying to give her a handshake, so she extends her hand. 5. Don't accept the handshake that is offered to me until when it registers what she is doing, it is too late. 6. Become so off balance that I would only knock her over at this point if I did shake her hand, so I give in and jump into the chair knees first as it wheels toward her 7. Join everyone else in stilted laughter.

This reminds me of the time that I had my first modeling appointment with an agency when I first moved to New York. I was sitting calmly in the waiting area for the director of the agency to come and get me...when she finally did, and she told me to follow her down the hall toward her office, I stubbed my toe on something and went FLYING though the air landing flat on my stomach with my pictures and resumes all over the floor. She laughed and told me that was the most impressive fall that she had ever seen. I think that my falls have been impressive in the past....like the time that my brother took my sister and I horseback riding (bareback) while he was dating this girl (a girlfriend who my sister and I didn't like because she was a fashion model and would say things like, "If I get a zit that I can see with a magnifying glass, then I have to go into hibernation for a week!") Just as I thought that horsey and I were seemingly getting along, I got thrown off of the horse, and my sister and my brother told me that, apparently, I did some kind of back flip while in flight...people train for years in dressage to do that sort of thing!

Anyways, the photographer asks me about the weather. I say, "Well, my face is shiny, so you can tell that is still muggy." That probably wasn't the right thing to say considering that I am trying out to be a halfway attractive model and not a sweaty imbecile...when is that audition? I got that one in the bag! There was an awkward silence, and I know that this is my cue to stand up and get my picture taken. I am not that versed, yet, in model language at auditions..or body language...or just what the heck I am supposed to do! I am so ungraceful at these auditions because I am a trained dancer! That's just the way it works. You move with extreme grace onstage and offstage, well, watch out everyone because you are liable to get hurt if you see a dancer walking down the street. Put on those hard hats...look out for falling dancers! So, she takes seven pictures of me. The only thing that she says to me while she is taking the pictures is, "Try not smiling for one picture.".

After we finish up with the picture portion of the casting, I ask if they would like me to leave them with a headshot and resume. They all sort of hesitate, and I think, "There I go again...being a dancer...". The one guy who hasn't said a word throughout all of this says, "You can leave the headshot, but not the resume because we don't read." Now, I force myself to stop and really turn this last sentence over in my head a couple of times before responding. Did he say that because he is trying to make a joke, but I can't tell because I am enshrouded in nerves? Does he mean that he really can't read English!? I mean, he does have a slight accent.(Joking people) Does he mean that they don't want to read the resume because it doesn't matter what I have done because I am face for hire...not a talent for hire...Probably the latter would make the most sense. I say, "Unfortunately, my head shot is attached to my resume, so I have to force you to read my resume!" I laugh, but no one else does.

Sigh. Oh well. I said, "Have a great day!", as I walk out of the room. They tell me to do the same. I walk outside of the oxygen bubble and wait three minutes for the elevator...all the while, I can tell that they are all holding their breathes waiting to discuss me. When the elevator comes, I say, "Have a great day!" Arggg...I already said that! Couldn't I have thought of something original to say! Oh well. I just laugh while I am in the elevator on my way down to the ground floor. Sometimes, I wonder why I do this every day....but, then I remember...this is the stuff that make me want to write!! Oh, and then there is the whole "I live my life to audition and I audition to live my life" aspect of it all. I love having a job, and I am excited about this upcoming tour, but I know that as soon as we get settled, and I am not experiencing the intense ups and downs of the auditioning life in NYC, I will be a little bummed out to say the least. I plan to work on a lot of choreography while I am on the road, which should keep me busy. One of my goals is to choreograph to the entire new Ani Album... I will keep you updated on that one..I hope to post at least one of the pieces on sceneinteractive.com in January.

Oh, what can I say..it's a dancer's life for me.